youre lurking in front of me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
