I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
