Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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