my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
