We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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