I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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