Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
