Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
