I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
