So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
