i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
