the condom got lost in my hair
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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