you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
