Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
