Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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