textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
