oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
