I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
