Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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