I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
