the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
