How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
