YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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