I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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