I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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