my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
