So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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