I can tuck mytits in my pants
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
