apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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