i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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