did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
