Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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