dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
