What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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