so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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