Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
