And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
