you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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