mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
