Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
