My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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