Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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