Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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