I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
two words: eviction party
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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