just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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