I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
