That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Are we still banned from the library?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
