i think my mom watched the whole time
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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