you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
