is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
