Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
